I write comprehensive essays about my experiences managing my anxiety while rebuilding my online brand. I don’t hold back: I examine my own failings and share how I would change things now.
Living With Anxiety
I’m been suffering from generalized anxiety disorder for my whole adult life, since the age of 14. I definitely had signs of anxiety before that, but it didn’t get scary until my mid teens. I didn’t get properly diagnosed and medicated until I was 20.
These essays give an unfiltered view into the thought processes of someone suffering from severe generalized anxiety disorder. I’m trying to provide insight into how the anxiety physiologically impacts on me and the techniques I use to work through specific issues.
Sometimes the tone comes across as entitled or whingy and I am aware of that. When I am triggered though I have to become extremely selfish to get through the episode.
This was one of the first essays I wrote about my experience with anxiety. I talk about how I developed anxiety, what having a ‘nervous breakdown’ was like and the secondary symptoms.
I wrote this essay after my condition had stabilized and I realized that I may never ‘recover’ from anxiety. I knew I’d had to completely change my plans and expectations for my life. It was a bit of a mindfuck however accepting my new reality gave me peace.
This essay is a bit boring but the timing is fascinating. This was two months before I realized my medication had stopped working and had changed to Pristiq. Here, I talk about how I was able to cope because of the extreme control I had over all facets of my life.
How My Brain Works
I’ve done a lot of reading. I’ve realized that my ‘quirks’ are a mixture of mental health issues and personality. I created these mindmaps to figure out what was something that needed treating, and what was just ‘me.
I realized I was gifted at 29, so have been doing research about how that has impacted on my mental health issues.
- Being Gifted Changes How I View My Anxiety
- The Struggles Of Being A Gifted, Anxious Adult
- Overexcitabilities vs Openness to Experience
- What Is My Experience With The Adult Giftedness Discovery Process?
- Why Do You Need Me? You Already Know Everything”: Being intelligent can mean that health professionals think you don’t need as much help.
The topic of treating anxiety with medication can be incredibly polarizing, and is an issue that can be a struggle for many people. In this essay, I explore why medication is a necessity for some people and try to reassure others that it isn’t a sign of weakness.
This was written immediately after I’d gotten a prescription for new anxiety medication in 2016.
The theory of schema therapy has been incredibly useful at helping me correct maladaptive thought patterns. It is brilliant for CBD.
My Schemas And Their Impact
Living With Anxiety
Love And Anxiety
Being in a long term relationship is difficult, and is something I struggled with for the first couple of years. These posts explore some of the difficulties I had and how my partner and I worked through them.
- My Freelance World Exploded – But I Found Love
- Crying During Sex. Or, Why It Sucks When Your Partner Is Your Carer
- 4 Year Anniversary with Glenn: Here is why it’s such a big deal
- Sex + anxiety
Others should bear responsibility in the role they play in triggering another persons mental health issues.
Celebrity suicides or even attempts can be a huge trigger. If they can’t manage their illness despite having a lot more resources, what hope do normal people have?
Many people base their identity on their illness, especially if they are very public about it. It caused me to question my motivations with publicly writing about anxiety.
Relapse and Recovery
In late 2016, I realized that my anxiety medication wasn’t working. I documented the fears and concerns I experienced as I trialled a new kind while trying to keep on top of day to day life. In later essays, I explore what it is like getting your life back.
- Pushing Myself Harder Is Making Me More Exhausted
- “I Just Want To Run Away”
- My body is in crisis mode
- Week 1: Medication Transition Update
- Not Doing That Well – As Expected
- Anxiety Seems To Be Treated, But Now Depression Is Playing Up
- How Anxiety Recovery Is Just Like The Flywheel
- Creating A Plan To Be Aware Of Future Relapses
- My Fear Of Relapse is Based On Faulty Data!
Many social media campaigns supporting mental illness miss the mark and can actually be triggering.
In addition to anxiety, I have selective eater disorder. It also has its own social complications!
Nighttime is one of the worst times for me, especially when I’m alone. It’s the time when you run out of distractions and energy, and your mind is free to attack itself. I don’t experience it now, but this is what it used to be like.